Birthday Surprise for a Good friend- 06/11/21 - Feeling not just proud but also warm ^^

 So it was my good friend, Cindy's birthday yesterday and I thought I would do a little surprise! In which I decided to send her some cupcakes not only saying good wishes on her special day but also because of an upcoming pre-reg exam she has to do (again), that I hope it would give some extra support and comfort. 

I know in these trying times it can be hard to push through things and get yourself together so with these in place it's just a nice feeling getting a surprise or even making one hehe 

Anyways, I couldn't have done it without the help of this local patisserie in Nottingham (Cherryontop) whom I found online. Not gonna lie, it wasn't that simple to just simply find someone who could deliver some cake to your doorstep (as I need it to be delivered for I am not based in Nottingham) plus in terms of the type of 'cakes' I have in mind, it has to be easy to take in so realistic, as well as not too extravagant (Don't want to end up leaving Cindy in a muddle for I know she's not the kind of girl who is that fancy, as also has to prepare for the exam!). I mean if it was me I'm not sure if I would want to be in a right mind in wanting to a big round cake at my doorstep (even though it is nice don't get me wrong!) but then to later on eat it all in one go lol.  I initially went for this website: https://thecakesolution.co.uk/view-all-products/ which I was thinking of getting either getting a strawberry glazed baked cheesecake or one of the party cakes (the 7 "Cookies & Cream) (Looking back again, the Mudcakes - Premium boston- looks nice) but felt that "yeah that is too big" 😅

After going through a couple of websites online for cakes to be delivered, the one that caught my eye is https://www.cherryontopcupcakes.co.uk/ . Her reviews and also Instagram instantly made me choose her shop as I decided on having cupcakes and hers was the perfect choice. It was very simple as luckily she had her email on insta so it was easy to reach out to her and be able to make fast conversation. The minimum order is 6 cupcakes, with up to 2 flavours. However seeing on her insta, it seems to be possible to get 3 flavours so I asked! and fortunately she was able to fulfill that wish 😌.

All in all I cannot thank enough. As I hope not only did it put a smile on Cindy's face but also made me put a smile. 

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 Haven't been giving an update post throughout this journey of the blog so here I am, taking this step to do one.... except it's a more a depressive one rather than the perhaps usual 'cherry' post

I honestly don't even know where to begin, because this big part of my heart where the issue lies is actually a long term problem. I have been trying so hard not to let it get to me, so hard to communicate this out but honestly I am just fed up and it is really sad I have to put this out here in my blog in which the internet may see; I have been contemplating a lot and a lot more recently- it's got to a point there is no return. Lately and literally last night I have been feeling super down in the slump that I end up sleeping at 5am. Perhaps I am currently in my shark week but that does not normally lead me to having meltdowns I swear! I am person who is normally calm even during this period but this post says otherwise that I am about to make, which also bothers me as I feel like an outright monster but just know that I have no choice but to simply express myself here and so without further ado, I shall now delve straight right into it... 

As some may or may not know, I am currently 24 in writing this, about to turn 25 in say 3 months (omg). I live with my parents and although I know I am old enough to move out, I am not financially stable nor am I emotionally prepare due to studies (4th year MPharm) and part time jobs. But in no way am I by all means saying that I have an excuse, I will at some point move out but just want to vent it all out here. 

Basically when I am away or when whilst I'm at work (bnot at home in other words), my mum will go through my room without ever getting permission from me and tidy and reorganise my bedroom, and by reorganise I mean she'll go so far as to go through my drawers and move things around, throw things away etc. Like she opens all my drawers, rearranges stuff, opens my mail (I’m over 21). She leaves things in different places or she will put a pair of socks in my electronics drawer, almost like a message that she was there. It’s like she wants me to know she was going through my stuff. I got a lock box that I keep under my bed but I’m sick of her STILL snooping through my personal stuff.

This upsets me to the point where I have had several meltdowns (all in private), usually hours after the fact once the gravity of what she has done dawns on me. I very rarely have meltdowns, in fact all of the meltdowns I've had over the past year have been at least in part due to her reorganising my room without my permission, so it is a big deal. The main reason it upsets me is that not being able to find my things is very distressing to me. To her, my room probably looks disorganised and messy. And yeah, I will admit it is quite messy, I struggle to keep it tidy at the moment and it's something I want to work on. But what I don't think she realises is that despite the apparent mess everything in my room has its place, and I know exactly where everything is, which is something I find comforting so having it all moved around is really hard to cope with. I also really value my privacy, and the thought of her potentially going through my stuff is very upsetting. So last week her computer broke down and she use my old laptop.

My room is my sanctuary and where I escape to recharge after long hours of masking at work, so having it be tampered with puts me on edge and prevents me from being able to relax.

As with any problem, in order to solve is to communicate, right? I tried to talk and confront my mum about it but really it is no use because all she would say is " This is her house and that she can do whatever she wants" Additionally it would also result her in being emotionally abusive and accusing me of being a bad daughter, irresponsible, and hurling insults at me like "no man will ever want to marry you" "You deserve what you get, when you get your results really badly from exam etc" or "Cry when I am going to die or when your father dies" She really does not care, and I really tired of her fucking shit. I am now not talking to her and refusing to take in any of her food as talking to her won't help. I am feeling really tired from having to keep talking about this. I just want someone to relate and can say my feelings are valid because is it so much to ask for space? I understand I'm living under her roof but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect some privacy?  I really want my feelings to be known but honestly letting my mum know nicely won't help. Tell me I am not crazy!!! T______________________T

My mother is going to far with her barging into my room. : Advice (reddit.com)

My mom has no respect for my things and thinks I am 10 still!!! Anyone else dealing with the same stuff?? : raisedbynarcissists (reddit.com)

How to ask my mum to stop doing something that triggers meltdowns : aspergirls (reddit.com)

My mom keeps moving my stuff when I leave my room : Advice (reddit.com)

Visiting my hoarder Mom, how to prepare myself mentally? : declutter (reddit.com)

My mother just tidied up my room - The Student Room

Mom keeps ruining my room (rareddit.com)

I’ve never seen this feeling put into words. : aspergirls (reddit.com)